Question I have always considered myself ok with being alone in terms of a relationship with a man. However recently I've met a man and things fell apart. I felt lonely, my emotions have been all over the board with extreme highs and then the lows, I've put up with drug usage in my home. The worst part is I exposed my son to all of this craziness. A few days ago I put him on a bus back to his family and got told to move on with my life. I can't get this man out of my head, it feels like an addiction and right now I have not heard from him in a few days and it hurts physically. My woman's group got together the other day and we performed the Lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram followed up by putting his name in the elements and freezing my blood in water to bind. I will say things got a little better yet my magick is still scattered, I can't meditate and when I try to call on the elements and my Goddesses they seem so far away. I've never felt this powerless and out of control and isolated from my soul. Any help is appreciated on all levels from practical (what were you thinking...) to how to get my connections back and how to release the loneliness I'm feeling.
ANSWER – I think you need to focus on taking one step at a time. It is very easy to underestimate how long it takes to get over the pain of a relationship breakup and I think you would find very few people indeed who would say that the pain will ease in only a matter of days. Trying to rush through the grieving process with a view to being well and whole enough to practise magic is too big an ask of yourself. Before you can heal you need to take time to work through the hurt. Meditating and magic will come back eventually but your first step is working through the grief of your parting.
The hard thing about a relationship break up is that no matter how wrong that relationship was for you or how much it hurt you and everybody else involved, the rationalisation that ending it is the best thing doesn’t make it hurt any less. Yes if a relationship yields nothing but mood swings, painful emotion and discord in your home it is obvious that relationship has run its course. But you can’t expect your mind to come to this conclusion and then to blithely forget this man with no pain. I almost get the impression that you are denying yourself the right to feel pain because you feel guilty for having the relationship in the first place but the human mind doesn’t work like that. You won’t stop the pain just because you believe it shouldn’t be there. What you need to do is develop realistic expectations of the progress you want to make. Allow for the fact that you will hurt for a while and make allowances for yourself while you do.
It is good that you have the support of your group and I think there is a lot of value in using spell work to formalise the end of the relationship and a beginning of your life without this man. I might suggest that you use something other than a binding - do you own any of this man’s possessions perhaps? Could you use a burning to dissolve the remnants of the relationship using an item belonging to him as a symbol? Or use something as simple as his shoelace to make a symbol of the link between you and cut it to release yourself from the power his memory has over you. The spell work you have undertaken seems largely focused on you but I’d be more inclined to concentrate on casting to break the link between you and then as you start to heal you can direct your group toward workings that will shore up your strength and allow your abilities to start coming back to you.
I can’t offer you a magical quick fix either to stop hurting or to cure the loneliness as the only thing powerful enough to heal you is your own mind. Only you can make the decision to confront the loneliness head on. It will be your own strength that prevents you from picking up the phone and begging him to come back to you. I can tell you that everything in your question suggests that you know what the right thing to do is and the fact that you have both taken the positive action to end your relationship and sought help to strengthen yourself to live without him is a clear indication that you know what is best for you and your son.
So simply put my advice is – don’t miss out the grieving process, allow yourself to hurt and don’t expect the healing process to be instantaneous. Value the progress you make as every day you don’t contact him is another success leading to you living an independent life again. Don’t expect too much of yourself, understand that your abilities will gradually reawaken as you become stronger. Rely on the love from your group and your son and let them comfort you in the dark times.
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