How can I help my friend in an abusive relationship?

QUESTION - Hi, it seems that I have the worst luck in relationships. I have a friend who I truly love however they are in an abusive relationship and won't leave because their thinking is it is better for the kids to have 2 parents (even when my friend says they are miserable). Right now the friend’s current partner has stopped us from talking and threatened to go to the police saying I'm stalking them. So I've broken off all contact with my friend. Yet my heart is hurting and I'm worried for my friend. I'm open to any ideas magically that can help this situation for my friend and then for myself. Thanks...

ANSWER – I think one of the hardest things in the world is watching somebody make mistakes and not being able to save them from what you can clearly see is a looming disaster. However, well intentioned as we all are, every individual has the right to make their own mistakes and there is a very fine line between help and interference. I’d also caution that nobody really knows what goes on in any relationship except the people actually involved in it. The situation may be more complex than you have been led to believe. Although hypothetically I do agree with you that a couple staying together for the sake of the children is unlikely to be a positive solution for any of the people involved if your friend genuinely believes she is doing the right thing then who are we to tell her she isn’t?

I’d also comment that what is an abusive relationship for one couple might be defined very differently by another. People have individual tolerances and what is acceptable for one person might be anathema to another. Take domestic violence for example. Some women will leave the first time they are struck by a partner, for others the road will be a lot longer and involve many more incidents and possibly outside support. Neither woman is right or wrong, both are entirely entitled to react as feels right to them. But though they have the right to decide for themselves you and I do not have the right to tell a woman who chooses to leave that she should give the partner another chance nor to tell a woman who decides to stay that she is obliged to leave. The danger with magic is that sometimes in the desire to help, enthusiasm takes over and free will becomes overlooked.

I don’t think you can go storming into this one employing magic to the effect of imposing your own views onto another person’s relationship. That isn’t to say that I don’t think there is a magical opportunity here but any decisions have to come from your friend and be hers alone. So rather than casting with the emphasis on bringing about an intended result I think it would be more appropriate to cast in the supportive sense of helping this woman to become stronger and helping her to clear her mind, see her situation objectively and reach a rational choice as to where she goes from here. If you end up not liking the choice she makes then I’m afraid at that point you have to step back as you will have done all you can.

It’s a bit tricky as you are not in a position to speak to your friend face to face or to hand her any object we could have worked with as a basis for the spell. What you could do though is make use of the mail which can be an interesting method of spell delivery. This is what I would suggest:
Get several sheets of notepaper and write on them clearly and specifically the thought processes you want your friend to go through. Remember you are not trying to influence her decision but her mind set. Detail her clarify of mind, her rational ability to make decisions and her choice to choose a happy life. Keep each of these paragraphs short and if possible memorise them.
Next, using a different piece of paper, write your friend a friendly letter hoping she is well. Don’t make any reference to her troubles, don’t criticise the husband and ensure you phrase the letter in a manner that would cause no trouble if read by anybody else.
Take your first sheet with the intention written on it and burn it in a candle flame. As you burn it speak the words aloud from memory and focus your thoughts on your friend approaching her troubles with a calm and positive frame of mind. Picture her mind clear of clutter and focused on deciding what will bring her the most happiness. Hold the letter you plan to send in the smoke from the burning paper and visualise the letter infused with the thoughts you have been holding in your mind throughout the process. The success of this spell will be in the strength of the visualisation so try to hold a very clear mental image in your mind of the calm and positivity seeping with the smoke into the letter.

​Post the letter and keep repeating. This works on two levels. On a peripheral level your friend knows there is somebody outside the marriage who is non judgemental and there to support. On a magical level the support is provided by the reinforcement of the suggestion that her mind be focused on making the best decisions for her future.

(In terms of yourself, you don’t give me much to go on. Write back and explain why you have such a tough time in relationships and we’ll tackle that separately)

Image http://www.deviantart.com/art/Trapped-101788798

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